Shizzle Black Folk Like

A reply to the What White People Like blog.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

 

  #30. Pickled Anything

 

 

 

 

  #29. Unrealistic T.V. Shows and Movies

Silly Hollywood. Rich black folks would never dress like old-school white guys. Get real!

 

  #28. Butts

Okay, maybe not so much with the ladies. But (no pun intended), if you ever want to put a black guy in a trance, parade a bootylicious-big-pear-shaped-booty past him. The power of the booty will mesmerize him. It is actually a very majestic thing to witness.

 

 

 

  #27. Jungle Prints on Anything

 

 

 

 

  #26. Avoiding Large Groups of Other Black People

People of the black community love their own. But only in moderation.

 

 

  #25. Insignificant Leadership Positions

Those crafty black folks! They’re taking over the world! How are they doing it? One insignificant position at a time. Those church deacons and Cultural Sensitivity Consultants have a diabolical plan. They will get into the highest possible positions in the workplace, community, church, and government. Once there, they will slowly filter unqualified black people into all other insignificant positions. Eventuality, they will rule all things American. Shhhhh, its a secret though. Be very, very, quiet. Pay attention white people. The next time you see two black folks whispering in the hallway at work or church (their eyes shifty and darting from side to side)…they are refining their diabolical plan to weed your white ass out of the picture.

 

 

 

#24. Secret Vulgar Words In Their Vernacular 

 

Attention Dick Cheney: Figure this one out, and you’ll get to unload more than a shot gun in your friend’s face.

 

 

#23. Malt Liquor 

The versatile malt liquor is an appropriate beverage for a vast array of black functions and gatherings. Places you might find a black person sipping on a “22″: Weddings, funerals, in the trap, in the club, on the corner, rolling down the block, creeping through the hood, and at baby’s mama’s crib.

 

 

#22. Smoking Stuff

 

#21. White Liberals

Nothing promotes the black cause quite like white self-loathing.

 

#20. Bling

Possibly stemming from their proud heritage of tribal jewelry, black people have an undeniable love affair with the bling. Flava Flav pioneered the era of modern tribal jewelry in the 80’s. The rest, as they say, was history.

 

#19. Rioting

Those of us in all cultures have been driven to the allure of mob mentality demonstration throughout our storied histories. However, the Los Angeles Riots of 1992 showed us that blacks have perfected the art of savage mob destruction, unlike anything that has ever been observed in the civilized world.

 

#17. Holy Rolling

No other culture worships so uninhibitedly and vigorously. Those black folks sure do know how to praise some Jesus!

 

#16. Outfits That Clash

The black penchant for mismatched, gaudy outfits, probably stems from the vibrant colors of ancient tribal garb. No matter how nasty the black person’s attitude may be, their attire will always be festive and bright.

 

#15. Laughing at White People

Those clever black folks have entire networks devoted to poking the ribs of the white establishment. There are many blacks that have made long illustrious careers by making whites the butt of every joke. Some of this stuff is historically funny. Regretfully, when a white comedian reciprocates the ribbing in the spirit of fun, it is often construed as hostility and bigotry.

 

#14. Trophy White Mates

The holy grail of the black dating experience, catching a white, hook, line, and sinker.

 

#13. Ebonics

Even the well spoken black folks occasionally, and very proudly, butcher the English language in a very purposeful fashion. It’s unclear as to whether or not they are exercising their Ebonics muscles as a showing of their ethnic pride, or if its just one more way to stick it to the man.

 

#12. Junk Cars With Big Rims (Hoopties)

Rims = $2000, Paint = $1500, A Blinged Out crash-up-derby car = Priceless.

 

#11. Fried Swine Intestine

Chitterlings (a.k.a Chittlins’), they say that once the fecal matter is washed out and you get past the rancid smell of them cooking…they are quite delicious.

 

#10. Their Mothers

In the black culture the mothers and grandmothers are true matriarchs of their families. It is unclear if the unsurpassed esteem of the black mother results from the large absence of male parental figures in the average black family. Whatever the cause, all other cultures should look to the black race for a good example of how to honor thy mothers.

 

#9. Gambling

Bad money managers with a lot of money…are still bad money managers and will soon be broke all over again.

 

#8. The Mother-Land

Black Americans share a common affinity for Africa, so much so that they’ve adopted the African-American monikers. Unfortunately, the fact that their “Mother-Land” has enslaved more of herown than any other nation is often glazed over. That along with the fact that Africans often sold their own to westerners for money.

 

#7. Fast Food

McDonnalds’ aggressive advertising to black people is no mistake. Black folks spend lots of dough on the dollar menu.

 

#6. Being Exploited By “Reverends”

The good reverends of the black community are unquestionablly stanch advocates of all things “black community.” Where they lose credibility and the support of average white America is when they pompously rub the raw rash of racial tensions by fabricating racial elements to crime and societal events in efforts to keep the race wars raging. Are these guys modern day MLK’s? My opinion; their loyalty is to the green dead presidents in their wallets, not the poor black families in the hood.

 

#5. Shootin’ Up Da Club

Glock = $800

Amo = $30

Street Cred = Priceless

 

#4. The Large Penis Myth

After an extensive congressional inquiry and executive review of the subject, Condi reports to Congress…”Myth BUSTED”

 

 

#3. Affirmative Action Laws

Harvard Education = $120,000

Average CEO Salary = $15,000,000

Preference Based on Skin Color = Priceless

Nothing says we are weak and can’t compete quite like affirmative action laws.

 

#2. Drawing Attention to Themselves

Ever been to the movie theatre and had a black wanna be “Chris Rock” in the audience making continuous bad commentary? Ever witnessed a black girl calling another black girl ‘bitch’? If so, everybody in a two mile square radius knows what happened. After getting the attention of everyone in the vicinity, one of the black girls usually pulls out the others hair weave in grand fashion. 

 

#1. Changing How They Wish to Be Addressed by Whites 

Is he a negro?

A black?

A person of color?

An Affrican-American?

A Brotha?

Who the hell knows?